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For reasons I can't understand, Keri Hilson sparked controversy because she told the truth.

Keri was tweeting about relationships last week. I've compiled them into a paragraph so it's easier to read. She states,

"Unfortunately, every man doesn't possess some standard high amount of respect for every woman they encounter just as every woman doesn't exude the same amount of confidence, class, or self respect. This is not a perfect world, where men treat "hoes" with the same respect they give "ladies" just because their mother taught them well. Bottom line is a man treats you according to the "messages" YOU put out there. That's the way of the world...reality.?If you exude sex, you attract men who want that from you. If you exude self respect, you men who respect women. You attract what you exude. Ladies, WE set the tone! NEVER forget that! We have the power to change our experiences w/ men."

So, where's the controversy?

Let's start with the title of the article. Bossip called it "Bird Brained Advice." Another said the man she's dating, Oklahoma City Thunder basketball player, Serge Ibaka, is tired of Keri because she's stuck up, boring, and found another woman he likes more. Another said she needs to put out more music. And, yet another said because she messed with Beyonce she's now giving relationship advice and how is she qualified anyway? These criticisms, though, don't address whether she has made a valid point.?

Several comments support Keri's thoughts. They didn't necessarily agree with her, but they speak to it. Many rightly note that a man's responsible for his behavior. One said the spell of patriarchy is so heavy that it's complete insanity.

It's the latter point that I find substantive. Why does what Keri said remind some women of a patriarch?

I'm not sure if I'm correct, but what I came up with is that in the same way a woman isn't at fault if she's raped because of what she wears, it isn't her fault if she isn't treated well. It isn't her fault if a man hits her or is verbally abusive. I understand this stance and fully agree. When it comes to violence, everyone is responsible for their own behavior. The U.S. justice system certainly sees it that way.

With that said, a woman who doesn't establish boundaries with men should prepare herself for a boundlessness relationship. If she sees him last minute, he'll make last minute plans. If she sleeps with him too soon, he's less likely to fall in love and will want to keep it physical. Ultimately, the woman ends up feeling hurt and used.

I don't see the patriarch ending..ever! Solely because women can have babies and men can't. Until that changes, I don't anticipate there will ever be true equality in romance. As such, I advise my female readers and clients to take responsibility for the tone they set. Bottom line: Keri's right.

Now, I'm not stuck in my ways. I'm open to hearing and can learn from women who, again, want to subvert the dominant paradigm of the male patriarch. If you're in successful relationships, please, write books and blogs. Do the talk show circuit and tell us all how a woman acting in whatever manner she likes will result in a man pursuing and marrying her. Instead of throwing up patriarchs and theory, give women something with which to work.

What qualifies Keri to give advice is life experience. It doesn't matter whether she ever sings another tune again, takes on Beyonce, or a man leaves her for a stripper. It doesn't change that she's right because nothing else yields results. Theory, dialog, frustration, complaining -- none of it is of any consequence.?

Equal rights won't help when he isn't calling for a date and uses you for sex. Results are what you take to the bank.

Until next time...

Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa

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Source: http://www.platinumgirlcelebrityblog.com/2013/05/defending-keri-hilson-why-equal-rights.html

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